Saint Mary of the Immaculate Conception Roman Catholic Church

Dear Good People of Saint Mary,

On this feast of the Holy Family it seems to me we have a lot to pray about. I’m thinking of the many conversations I’ve had over the holidays when troubled people have expressed their family struggles: lack of unity, refusal to forgive, members who have left the Church, members who have turned their backs on their families. A kind of voluntary estrangement that is the fruit of self-centeredness. You see, in our culture of individualism, addiction and self-absorption, it is tough for the family to survive. The voices of the world are so loud that they have captivated the ears of youth—and many adults—and the old sacred structures of family values based on an understanding of a Divine Plan have lost priority.

We see a lot of new confusing concepts of “family” based on individualism. A lot of marriages are really more arrangements which allow individual license, situations established to allow for personal satisfaction. Divorce is so common. Often, secular values have replaced religious values and the world doesn’t value life, or family, or tradition.

A family requires sacrifice, and a willingness to humbly submit to one another out of love. A time to willingly and gladly set aside our own wants and needs for the good of another. Family life is not easy (I think it gets harder and harder as the years pass), and the obedience and respect of children to parents is something that must develop into a mutual offering between adults when children grow to adulthood; the new generation needs the good example of the previous one to make good choices, and not reject it. But too often today the vital good example just isn’t there. People are just confused.

For years now we have known that Fredericksburg has one of the highest rates of pregnancy outside of marriage in the state of Virginia, and a recent statistic quoted to me (shockingly) states that of the pregnancies which have happened in the City of Fredericksburg this year, 43% of them have been aborted. It is a desperate society that would choose to terminate life and family in this way. And I can only imagine what kind of emptiness this can leave behind; it is hard enough to survive the loss of a loved one in a family when it is beyond our control.

So we must look first to Jesus, Mary and Joseph. A surprise family, to be sure. A great deal of trust in God, and obedience to a plan of faith. Remarkable hardship, poverty. Herod was seeking to kill Jesus. In his rage had all the boys under two years of age murdered throughout Judea. We just celebrated the Feast of the Holy Innocents Saturday this weekend, in memory of all those whose lives were not valued more than the self-will and hunger for control of King Herod.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph became homeless refugees fleeing for their lives to a pagan land—the land from which their ancestors had already fled from death—in order to save Jesus’ life. I wonder if they were welcomed any more than immigrants are welcomed today?

Thank God, St. Mary responds profoundly in support of life with our various pro-life ministries, and our refugee resettlement program. We try to teach our families the values of faith and love, reconciliation and hope, to reach out to those who are in need seeking the truth and answers to their questions. We want everyone to know that they never need to feel alone, fearful, without a solution.

But we need to do more. Families need help, and we need to strengthen each other. We need to keep the message of family and tradition fresh in the minds of our children, and teach by example more than by words. And we need to turn again and again to the Holy Family of Bethlehem, of Egypt, and of Nazareth in their many transitions to see how we might be able to adapt and respond faithfully, like them, to life’s many abrupt challenges and changes. May God strengthen you with his grace, and keep you together in his love.

God bless you.

Dear Good People of Saint Mary,

This week has us seeing stars! I have to mention the beautiful constellation of art that has appeared over Bethlehem in the church. They are the loving work of a parishioner, Elise Lynch, who has been creating this beautiful galaxy for many months so that we might enjoy them at Christmas. It is such a great example of how the unique gifts of one can be so beneficial to everyone — to thousands of us.

Bethlehem is ready; the Magi and the camel are still far away, but on the way. The star begins to lead us to Jesus, calling us to prepare in our hearts a place for him to come dwell, an original homeless child seeking a safe place within us, a place of love and concord. In these last days of Advent, we need to empty ourselves a little more of ourselves, so that there can be space for him when he comes to us.

Part of why this is so complicated is that we just don’t live in Bethlehem. Or Nazareth, for that matter. Around this time of year as duties and requests ramp up I usually try to figure out how I can simplify my life to more reflect the world into which Christ was born. I don’t think the simplicity of Bethlehem was a product of not having much to do (I like having nothing to do least of all). Even in the quieter, less hectic context of Bethlehem people were still too busy to realize what was happening. If it weren’t for the angels and the star, the whole birth Event might have been overlooked entirely.

Nor do I think the simplicity of Bethlehem was a matter of solitude. Some people have this ideal of living alone on an island without the cares and complications that are brought about by others. I’m reminded of my dear friend who looked out over a sea of tourists in Venice and said to me, “I’m just not ready for heaven.” I asked what he meant. He replied, “I’m supposed to want to share heaven with all these people.” Being alone is not the answer. In fact, I just spent nearly two weeks in the hospital with rules I had set for myself to prevent too many visitors — no visitors — and recall those days as being so very empty of others. No, the simplicity of life necessarily involves the presence of other loving persons who experience the solitude with you.

Bethlehem wasn’t the lavish accommodations or the gold faucets in the bathroom, or the great feasts — obviously. People who have everything they want will most often be the ones to tell you that everything doesn’t supply you with what you really need.

So what was so great about Bethlehem? I think my answer might surprise some. When I was in the seminary coming to terms with what it meant to make a promise of obedience to a bishop, part of me wanted to rebel. Such a blind commitment seemed to violate concepts of personal freedom and self-reliance that I had come to value greatly in my own life at the time. Of course, such a promise is never binding if someone were to ask you to do something that you know is wrong; but what about the things of which you are not certain?

It requires a kind of trust, an admission that I am not in control, also a humility that says, at very least, that someone is capable of making a decision at least as good as me. And I am willing to give the assent of mind and heart to follow where I am led, believing the source of the leading is God and the place where I am being led is God. When you are following God in faith: hardship, suffering, disappointment, cold and hunger — all these things are bearable if you can see beyond them to a purpose and know that God’s will is being accomplished through it, and through me and my life. And that new life will come from it.

This is exactly how I would describe Bethlehem. The cold, the cave. The faith of Mary and Joseph, the fertile moment in which God is born in us.

God bless you.